Your definition of cheatings

1. Cheat- verb
Definition: To gain an advantage by breaking rules.
2. Cheat on- colloquialism
Definition: To be sexually unfaithful to.

One of the most fascinating things about definitions is that they sometimes provide more questions than answers. The two aforementioned definitions seem simple enough. However, my own definition of cheating would account for the equivocal nature of cheating. It is still possible for me to extrapolate two points from the definitions:

a) That cheating involves breaking established rules, and
b) That it generally involves indiscretions of a sexual nature

The difficulty with rule-establishment in relationships is that rules are not often determined unequivocally. Decades ago, marriage was more common than it is now. The marriage "contract" was generally accepted, making cheating easier to define. Now people enter into long-term relationships without such a "contract" in place. They may even have expectations of the relationship, which may or may not be discussed before. In a proper definition of cheating, the contextual nature of the established rules and expectations must be addressed. We can then view rules as arising from marriage vows, socialisation and discussions of relationship expectations.

We know that some people are more tolerant than others. We also know that people have different opinions on what is acceptable and what is not based on experiences, culture, religion and so forth. Whether cheating must involve only intercourse or any sexual touching may have been the core debate before. Now that there are several other avenues for sexual expression, the concept of sexual unfaithfulness is cloudier. Is viewing porn a case of being sexually unfaithful? I think it may be, but I'm sure many people would not. Other shady areas may include masturbation, flirting and cyber-sex. Sometimes a liberal partner may only define those activities as cheating under specific conditions.

I read an article once where a phone-sex worker insisted that phone-sex is not cheating. The argument was that it is strictly a manifestation of fantasies, which does not often lead to real indiscretions. Let's pause for a moment and consider cheating in terms of breaking an agreement or dishonouring the expectations of your partner. Whether a sexual indiscretion is cheating or not, would then depend on if your partner perceives it to be cheating. Simply put, you're cheating only if your partner perceives the action to

break mutual relationship expectations.

Do you think that cheating should include more than sexual indiscretion? If you do, you could have a valid point. I refer to the argument that a relationship or marriage is about negotiated "rules" or a "social contract". Suppose one partner expects intimacy on all levels, including emotional fidelity. Such a partner would consider an intense emotional attachment, by his or her partner to another, to be cheating. Some would go so far as stating that anything (that involves another person or activity) that undermines the physical, emotional or spiritual connection with your partner to be cheating. It would include addictions, priorities or hobbies. However, this should not fall into the category of cheating in my view.